


How to cure an existential crisis

by Phantje



Series: How to ... [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Comfort, Cute, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dancing, Existential Crisis, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Phan Fluff, Phil Lester - Freeform, Planking, Reading, Winnie-the-Pooh References, danisnotonfire - Freeform, taking care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 20:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8175565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantje/pseuds/Phantje
Summary: Already one hour without Phil is enough for Dan to start questioning everything. When Phil comes back from his grocery shopping he notices that Dan is showing all the sypmtoms of an existential crisis and decides to do everything in his power to free Dan from the spiral of his dark thoughts. Basically pure fluff with Phil reading Dan's favourite Winnie the Pooh stories to him and generally proving himself to be the best person on earth, at least for Dan.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short cute story. I won't be able to post next Saturday but I'll be back in two weeks time with several brand new stories and plans for the future! Enjoy and feel free to leave comments and kudos! <3

Dan’s POV

Dan felt horrible. There wasn't any other word that could describe his situation better than this could. He simply felt horrible. And he was sure that he had never felt worse. Well perhaps he had once but that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that he felt pretty horrible and a lot worse than he had for a while. And the reason for his bad mood was his own brain.  
Dan had a crisis. An existential crisis as he liked to call them.  
Everything had started about two days ago, when he had begun questioning the meaning and value of his life. How much was his small life worth compared to the life of someone who actually achieved something in their life? It was less worthy for sure. Dan sighed. All this wouldn't have happened if Phil would have been around when Dan started questioning everything. But unfortunately Phil was not around. He went out on that precise night. Well he actually went out to buy some food, but it felt like forever for Dan.  
Dan does not get an existential crisis every time Phil is out but if he is already feeling slightly weird the fact that no one is there and especially not the one he cares most about, can lead to a very serious kind of existential crisis. One of the kind where you need a hella lot of effort to escape from.   
Dan went to bed early that night. He was really tired. The crisis stole his strength and will to do stuff. All he could think of was his nice warm bed.  
As silent as he could, Dan walked into his bedroom. Phil had just returned home and saw him. Dan could feel his concerned glances as he passed him in the hallway, but it was already too late. Too late for Dan’s brain to notice anything apart from the thoughts that swirled around. Especially the deep thoughts occupied Dan’s thoughts completely. This might sound very dramatic for some who never actually had or saw someone having an existential crisis, but having a crisis of that kind is no fun. No fun at all.

Today was day two of Dan’s crisis. And the really bad thoughts were slowly appearing in the back of his head. If Dan wouldn't find anything to distract him soon, this could all last for at least one week longer. Dan was really tried and exhausted. He knew Phil didn't like to see him suffering. Dan wouldn't want to see Phil suffering either. He loved him. He wouldn't want to see Phil feeling bad for whatever reason. Dan sighed. All this was one of the main problems why he couldn't concentrate on anything bright in his life. Dan loved Phil. He did for a very long time now, but he wasn't sure at all if Phil felt even only remotely similar. And he would never know if he didn't confess his love to his flatmate. But how could he? Even though he wasn't actually shy normally, he was really nervous when it came to confessing feelings for anyone. And not only that, he was also really awkward and the things he says can be easily taken the wrong way.   
This whole crisis thing was a nightmare, as Dan did not only question his life but also was worried about his feelings for Phil. What would he do if Dan told him the truth? All Dan’s brain was able to provide him with right now was: he’d run away. Even if that was rubbish, Phil was as much a grown up as Dan was, he was even older, Dan did not thought it impossible. Dan sighed. Again.   
He had to get up and fetch some food and something to drink. His tummy begged for attention and he was too weak to ignore it. Dan stood up and opened his door. As he walked down the hallway a thought popped into his mind. Dan froze.  
The next thing he remembered was lying on the floor in his usual position. He was often laying somewhere in the house when he was having a crisis. This was normal. Dan sighed and tried to think about anything than Phil saying he hates him as an answer to him confessing his love.

 

Phil’s POV

“Dan? You alri…” Phil asked as he saw his flatmate walking to his room head down, he was probably going to sleep. Dan didn't reply. That wasn't too unusual so Phil smiled shook his head and went to the kitchen to put all the things away he just bought. He was humming a melody while he put all the goods into the fridge. After he finished and double checked if he closed every cupboard door, Dan hated it when anything was left open, Phil went into the living room. It was empty. So he had been right thinking that Dan went to bed.  
Him not noticing that someone spoke to him wasn’t unusual. Him going to bed this early – it was barely nine o’clock – was definitely really weird. Dan never did that. Expect… But no. Did he have one of his existential crisis again? Oh boy.  
If Phil would have known that, he wouldn't have gone out to buy food, he would have stayed inside.  
He hated it when Dan was having a crisis. He felt so useless. He never knew what to do. He sometimes did something per chance which made Dan feel better, but every time he tried it again, it never worked.   
Each time Phil said to himself: “I'm going to be prepared for the next time.” But as with all the resolutions he had ever made, he forgot about it as soon as the worst was over. That wasn't good. Phil knew that especially as all this had to do with his best friend. Phil really cared about Dan. A lot. Perhaps even more than Dan knew he did. But just like his friend, he was too shy to confess anything. Maybe this time, he could help Dan and even show him his feelings, Phil thought. Hang on, that was a great idea!   
Phil immediately stood up and wrote down some ideas. A perfect plan had to be made, which both helped Dan with his crisis and Phil with confessing his feelings for him. That wasn't easy and it took Phil one and a half day long to finally be happy with the plan he worked out. But on the second day he had finally finished his plan. The plan wasn't perfect but it was worth a try.  
Due to planning the whole thing, Phil was quite nervous as he heard Dan sighing in the room next to his. The next thing he heard was an opening door. After a couple of seconds he heard Dan collapsing onto the floor in the hallway. Phil thought this would happen and jumped up. His plan was about to start. Phil opened his own door and walked into Dan's room to get the “Winnie the Pooh” books. He knew Dan loved them so his first attempt of making Dan feel better was to read out some of Dan's favourite stories.  
Phil took a deep breath and walked towards Dan.  
“Hello there little bear.” He greeted his best friend. Dan on the floor grunted something. Phil smiled and took another deep breath then he slowly kneeled down and lay on top of Dan. They were lying back to back and Phil was on top.   
“Phil!” Dan complained. Phil ignored him and opened the book. He started to read out his own favourite story. Pooh was trapped in a hole which was the door of Rabbit’s house and Christopher Robin had to entertain him with reading a book. A story which fitted perfectly to Dan and Phil's situation. Well at least a little bit.   
Phil tried to be very serious as he read out the story, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing sometimes. He laughed for a few seconds until he calmed down again. This was after all something to cheer up Dan and not to entertain himself. As Phil finished reading out that chapter he added a quote he remembered: “’We’ll be best friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. ‘Even longer.’ Pooh answered.”  
By doing this, Phil hoped to give Dan a hint of his feelings. After a few seconds of silence Phil stood up carefully. As he watched Dan lying on the floor Phil couldn't resist and ran his hand through Dan's hair.  
“You gonna be well soon, little bear.” Phil whispered. He knew it was cheesy but he didn't care.

 

Dan’s POV 

“You gonna be well soon, little bear.”   
It was only a whisper but Dan heard and felt it as intense as he had just felt Phil's hand in his hair. Could this possibly mean that Phil liked him more than just a friend? Well. It wasn’t actually a confession of love. It was more a confession about friendship. A really strong one, but love was one step too far.   
Also, this sure had to be a dream. But no. It wasn't. Dan knew everything really just happened. And he was happy about it. Really happy. Phil made him feel much better. Just by reading the story to him while lying on top of him, everything felt less bad. Adding that one quote at the end nearly made Dan cry and his whole body wanted to hug Phil so bad, but he couldn't. He didn't want to hurt Phil with turning over so abruptly. So all Dan did was crying silently. It was only a few tears but he was still embarrassed. After all he was a man, and man didn't cry, even though he always thought that that should have never ever been a thing, ever. Man should be able to cry as well, or maybe that was just him.  
Now Phil was gone and Dan still did not move. He took a deep breath and stood up. While straightening his back he stood on one sleeve of his PJs. Being clumsy as always he managed to trip over by his attempt to stand up. It was so ridiculous that Dan almost laughed out loud. He shook his head and went into the kitchen, the room he aimed for in the first place.  
Some Ribena and a big back of Maltesers was all he could find for his tummy. Even though Phil helped a lot, all Dan did for the rest of the day was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what Phil did in the room next to his. He could have simply knocked on Phil's door, but that would just be weird. 

Dan did not sleep well that night. He turned over a lot every time he almost fell asleep one thought always managed to wake him up again. It was horrible. As always. Horrible.   
Even though his tummy started complaining again the next morning Dan did not dare to get up. He had just had some really bad nightmares and he didn't want them to pop into his mind every time he looked at Phil.  
Around lunch Dan eventually got up and ranged some of his clothes. He needed to distract himself. Choosing tidying as the thing that should distract him was a sign of how bad Dan actually felt. And while he tidied up he wasn't even sure why he had to be distracted and about what he shouldn’t continue thinking about. Either the existential thoughts or the feelings he had for Phil. Thinking about one of those things for too long just wasn’t a good thing to do.   
Dan didn't even dare to look at his phone or his laptop as the Internet would just show him a lot of successful people or pictures of Phil. Both not good right now. Successful people would just remind him about how less worthy his life was and pictures of Phil… well to illustrate Dan’s feelings one could say, that he’d definitely preferred to stab himself into the heart.  
Dan was really tired of being tired. He wanted to feel normal again. And he wanted to be able to be with Phil without having fear of doing something horrible.  
After Dan tidied up his entire room, it literally hasn’t been this clean the whole year, he was tired, hungry and felt miserable in general. He was so worn out, that he even lost his dignity. Without thinking it through, he grabbed the “Winnie the Pooh” book Phil read to him yesterday, opened the door and walked into the lounge. Phil was lying on a couch and looked up from his laptop the second Dan walked in. He immediately closed it and smiled gently in Dan’s direction. Dan blushed and thought about running back into his room. But he didn’t. He instead took a deep breath and walked towards Phil. Phil’s eyes followed him around the room. After what felt like an hour long journey through the lounge Dan finally stood in front of Phil. Dan was really embarrassed about what he was going to ask. It felt like he was losing his dignity for ever. A complete low point of his life. Even though it did turn out quite nice, Dan was really scared at this point.  
“Can you…” Dan started and cleared his throat, “Would you be so kind to… read something out loud again?”  
Dan did not dare to look into Phil’s face. He stood there and waited for an answer. It felt like forever waiting for the answer. Dan expected Phil to laugh and say no, but nothing of this actually happened.   
Phil cleared his throat and said: “Of course I may, little bear.”  
“Really?” Dan asked in disbelief.  
“Yes.” Phil grinned.  
“Thanks.” Dan mumbled.  
“No problem.”

 

Phil’s POV

“No problem.” Phil said. And meant it. He knew that it took a lot of courage to ask that question, for Dan at least. It was really brave.   
Phil sat up and made some space for Dan. By the attempt of sitting down, Dan somehow managed to trip and fall into Phil’s arms. Dan was now sitting between Phil’s legs and his back touched Phil’s belly.  
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.  
“No problem.” Phil repeated and smiled.  
An awkward silence was between them. To break this silence Phil quickly asked: “So do you have the book with you?”  
“Of course.” Dan answered and handed over the book.   
“Which story do you want me to read for you?”  
“Doesn’t matter.” Dan said.  
Phil noticed that he was already getting comfortable with the situation. “Okay… So how about the one where the houses are flooding?” Phil asked.  
Before he met Dan, back in 2009, he did not know as much about Winnie the Pooh, as he does now. He watched it when he was young, but never as intense as he does when he is with Dan.   
Dan nodded and snuggled closer to Phil. Phil opened the book and started reading. Just as yesterday he couldn’t stop himself from laughing sometimes. He did his best to get into character and imitate the voices of the characters but he sometimes just broke out of his role. Whenever he did, Dan wasn’t mad at him. Phil could even feel him laughing as well. It was really nice having Dan in a tight cuddle. Still Phil didn’t dare to think about it too much. Dan needed him as a friend. A good friend, who made him feel better, not a boyfriend, who was in love with him.  
Eventually Phil sighed sometimes, but Dan was polite enough not to say anything about it. Phil really was grateful about that. He wasn’t ready to confess his feelings. Not yet. His plan wasn’t finished yet. There was still one step at least, which had to be done, before he would dare to say anything to Dan. But this step had to be done carefully and not in a hurry. Phil had to be patient. But if being patient included having Dan in his lab, then he couldn’t complain.  
After Phil finished reading the story to Dan he was quite exhausted. He however did not dare to stop reading. He randomly picked another one and continued. Being halfway through with the story, he noticed, that Dan’s breath was slower and more peaceful than it had been fifteen minutes before. Dan fell asleep in Phil’s lap and Phil was really happy about it. Even though his legs began to ache a little bit, Phil did not dare to move even the slightest bit. He stayed like he was and watched Dan sleeping. Without exaggerating Phil noticed, that Dan looked horribly tired. Phil still thought he looked cute, but the black circles underneath Dan’s eyes weren’t healthy, he knew that. There had to be a way to make sure Dan would never have to feel the same way again. But is there a cure for an existential crisis? Is there a spell you can say, that no one would ever have to feel the way Dan does regularly? If there was, Phil had to find it. He would be the knight to save Dan from his bad thoughts. Wow. That sounded really weird. But Phil didn’t care. He continued daydreaming until he actually fell asleep.

The first thing Phil noticed as he woke up was Dan moving around. Phil smiled a little bit, but didn’t dare to open his eyes. He pretended he was still sleeping and wondered what Dan was doing. After a few minutes Phil was too curious and slowly opened his eyes. He stared directly into Dan’s deep brown eyes. Dan flinched and blushed. Phil smiled down at him.  
“Did you sleep well, little bear?” he asked. He had a pretty husky voice due to the impression he made the last evening.  
Dan’s shade of red got even deeper. He looked up and answered quietly: “Yes, I have.”  
Phil laughed. “Great! Do you fancy having breakfast?”   
“I do actually.”  
“Fine, I’m going to make us some. And you, you stay here. Don’t move!” With this Phil stood up, tousled Dan’s hair and went into the kitchen. 

 

Dan’s POV

After Phil went into the kitchen, Dan was left feeling really cold. As if Phil had read Dan’s thoughts he suddenly opened the door and threw his own green hoodie at him. Phil smiled and tried to wink. He failed horribly, laughed and left. Dan laughed as well. It was a miracle how Phil managed to make Dan feel better with the tiniest actions. Dan was really glad he had a friend like Phil. Even though Dan personally felt more than friendship for Phil, he was still grateful to have someone he could rely on. After a few minutes Phil opened the door and came in with loads of things. He put them down onto the table and gestured Dan to sit down.  
“There you go.” Phil said.  
“What’s this?”  
“Food?”  
“Very funny Phil. Why did you bring all this stuff into the lounge?”  
“Because you have to eat! Have you noticed how slim you look?”  
“I don’t look slim.”  
“You do. Believe me! And now shush and eat.”  
“Alright! So what do you have for me?”  
“Lucky charms! Because porridge is bad for your tummy.”   
“That’s nonsense! Where do you have that from? The internet? Wikepedia?”  
“No, my mind is telling me that.”  
“Oh. Your mind. Excuse me!”   
“You are forgiven. And now eat.”  
Dan burst out laughing and Phil joined him. They were laughing the whole time and barely managed to eat at the same time.  
“You ate enough now?” Phil asked in between two of his giggles.  
“I have. Thank you very much.”  
“Do you fancy drinking coffee now?”  
“Sure. You’re spoiling me Phil. I don’t deserve this!”  
Phil stood up and started ranging the table. Before he left he quietly said: “You do. Believe me.”  
While Phil washed up the bowls they used, Dan was left alone with his thoughts. Did Phil actually say that? And if he did, did he mean what he said? Was Dan dreaming? He was surely still lying in his bed and fantasising once again. Dan pinched himself in the arm and nearly cried out loud. He wasn’t dreaming for sure. But this didn’t bring him any closer to riddling out what Phil actually meant. All Dan could do now was staring holes into the air. He didn’t move. He didn’t do anything. He just sat there and did not dare to think about anything. Everything felt so good this night and even the breakfast has been really funny and enjoyable. It was a miracle how Phil managed both to make Dan feel better with the tiniest actions and also make him feel uncertain about everything within a second. Those few words managed to destroy Dan’s balance. He wasn’t sure what to think about anything. Phil was perhaps only joking. Joking like best friends do among each other. Phil was perhaps expecting Dan to join him joking. But Dan wasn’t capable of that. How could he? He only felt slightly better and less traumatised, how could anyone expect him to joke now? But perhaps Dan was wrong and Phil wasn’t joking. He might also be serious or he might be making fun of Dan. Both occasions weren’t easy to deal with. If Phil was actually serious, which was by the way pretty unlikely, how should Dan react? And if Phil was making fun of Dan, did that mean Phil didn’t like Dan at all, or was that just another attempt to make him feel better? Dan didn’t know. He didn’t know anything. And that made him want to scream. Scream until he was empty inside, until he could forget everything, until he could start all over again. Dan felt like he had to scream to let out all the thoughts he never talked about. Only screaming could help him right now. And still Dan sat on his chair quietly and didn’t say anything. By doing nothing he tried to get into a same state as after he would have screamed out every thought. Sadly it wasn’t working. No matter how hard he tried. He kept thinking. Thinking a lot of weird stuff. He heard one voice repeating one phrase over and over in his brain. The voice was a mixture of Phil and Christopher Robin saying: “Silly old bear! Silly old bear!” Over and over again. Dan did not know what to do. The harder he tried to ignore that voice the louder it got. Dan couldn’t help it. He started crying. It started with a few tears streaming down his face but it got more and more until he was actually sobbing. If he didn’t lose his dignity last night he definitely lost it now.

 

Phil’s POV

Phil was quite happy alone in the kitchen washing the dishes. A nice unchallenging task. Phil thought about the nice evening, night and breakfast he just had with Dan as he suddenly heard sobbing coming out of the lounge. At first he couldn’t tell what kind of noise he heard. Dan seemed to be quite happy at the breakfast so it was rather surprising to hear him crying.  
Phil quickly dried his hands and ran over to the lounge. Dan was still sitting where Phil had left him. But now he was shaking and sobbing. Phil felt really sorry for him. Just after he had promised to himself to never let Dan feel sad again, he missed something and Dan was crying. Phil was rubbish at protecting Dan. But now he had to cheer him up. Or at least comfort him. Without hesitating he walked over to Dan, pushed back his chair and hugged him really tight. Dan did not even try to prevent Phil from hugging him. He clung on to Phil and cried into his shoulder. Phil carefully rubbed small circles on Dan’s back and rocked back and forth. Phil felt terribly sorry for Dan but didn’t know what to do. He still had this one idea left in his mind, the last stage of his plan, but he wasn’t too sure, if it was the best thing to do right now. After Dan cried for another few minutes he slowly started to calm down again. In these few minutes Phil decided to fulfil his plan. He stood up, took Dan’s hand and pulled him up as well.  
“What are you doing Phil?”   
“Making you feel better? Have I ever done anything else?”  
“No…”  
“See? Relax!”  
Dan rolled his eyes but a weak smile appeared on his face. Phil pretended he didn’t see and started moving around swinging both their arms in the air.  
“No but seriously Phil, what are you doing?”  
“I, my good sir, am dancing.”  
Dan burst out laughing. “Dancing?” he asked.  
“Yes. And now shush!”  
Phil was moving really weirdly. It looked really funny and Dan couldn’t help laughing. Phil didn’t care, as he intended to make Dan feel better. To make a pirouette Phil had to let go of Dan’s hand. His hand felt weirdly cold, without Dan’s. After he nearly fell over at his attempt to make a pirouette, Dan caught him and held him tight. They were really close now. Both of them were smiling.   
After they jumped around the lounge for a few minutes they calmed down and only moved slowly now.  
“You feeling better?” Phil asked.  
“Yes. Thank you.”  
“No problem.”  
Both didn’t say anything just danced on.  
“May I ask you something?” Phil quietly interrupted the silence.  
“Sure.”  
“Why did you just cry? I thought everything was already slightly better, otherwise I wouldn’t have left you alone here, you know. Never ever fear to tell me something is wrong!”  
“I… prefer not to talk about it actually.”  
“Oh… Okay… No that’s completely fine. I don’t want to force you to anything you know. I really do care about your feelings.”  
Dan froze. “About my feelings?” he asked.  
“Y…yes… You know like a friend…” Phil’s voice faded away. “No…” Phil finally said.  
“No?”  
“No. Not as a friend. At least not only. It’s much more. So much more, if you could only imagine how much more.”  
Dan wasn’t saying anything.  
“Sorry for revealing a bit too much. Let’s just forget about it and act like nothing ever happened and just let everything become like it was.”  
“No.” Dan whispered.  
“No?” Phil quietly asked.  
“I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to act like nothing happened!”  
“You don’t?”  
“No!” Dan was beaming with joy but Phil didn’t understand.  
“Why?”  
“Because I feel exactly the same. Even more than you revealed. And even if there is more than you just revealed, no one could ever feel more than me.”  
Phil slowly understood. “You… You do?”  
“I do Phil!”  
“Dan… I can’t… speak.. I…!”  
“You don’t have to speak now… You did enough these last days. You really helped me.”  
“Did I?”  
“Yes you did! And you were the best friend any one could ever have! Thanks for everything!”  
“You’re more than welcome!”  
“’We’ll be best friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. ‘Even longer.’ Pooh answered.” Dan said grinning widely.  
“Even longer indeed.”  
“And it’s even more than friendship.” Dan whispered as he gazed onto Phil’s lips.  
“It certainly is.” Phil said gazing onto Dan’s lips.  
Dan laughed carefully. Phil sighed and poked Dan’s cheek. Dan looked confused but started laughing heartily, making his dimple appear.   
“You are freaking cute.” Phil said affectionately.  
“Did you just swear?” Dan enquired.  
“No, you will be happy to find that ‘freaking’ is classified as a word frequently used when using exclamations.”   
“You sure about tha-…?” Dan started but Phil shook his head and silenced Dan with a kiss.   
Phil broke the kiss and looked at Dan.   
“Wow.” Dan said and blushed. “I mean…”   
“Freaking great, huh?” Phil asked and grinned.  
“Shut up.” Dan said and kissed Phil.


End file.
